


Pepper is gonna kill us all, but also she's laughing so I guess it's OK?

by Na0miN



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Hes been plotting this for a while, Jarvis is smug, John F. Kennedy Assassination, More tags to be added, Multi, Pepper is tired of all the children, Scott Lang is a Good Dad, Scott has an online self defense class, and love fucking with america, bucky killed jf kennedy, hes going to kill trump, its for cassie, natasha and bucky have no chill, peter has the best puppy dog eyes, shuri and peter are little shits, steve is actually a basic white girl on insta though, steve just really loves his boyfriend bucky
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-03-09 06:53:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18911794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Na0miN/pseuds/Na0miN
Summary: Different Avengers social media and reactions to it.Pepper is mad that no one consults her first, Tony is living his best chaotic life, shuri and Peter are playing tag team and everyone is suffering for it and Steve gets political





	1. Chapter 1

"Do you think Mr stark will be mad at me for changing his shampoo to bleach?" 

"mmmmmmmmyes. But JARVIS ain't no snitch so you should be able to get away with it for half a day maybe?" 

"you're so smart and for what? God I'm so glad you performed the surgery on that grape for the good of mankind." 

"well I am the best am I no-" 

Tony paused the YouTube video labelled **"vlog - prank on mr stark"** and turned to stare unimpressed at peter

"kid, did you think that because I'm a grown up I wouldn't see this? I don't know what you were thinking but JARVIS said my scream was deafening when I looked in the mirror and he then pretended he couldn't hear me for the rest of the day."

Peter stared guiltily at the corner of the room but he silently whispered" thanks J, we knew you weren't a snitch"

"Peter I can  _hear you."_ he stressed tiredly.

Thor walked into the room and either didn't notice the atmosphere of the room, or he  _did_ notice it and ignored it, but when he saw Tony his eyes lit up and he beamed broadly at him saying "now that your hair is nearly as golden as mine you can join our blondes only club!"

"Mr thor sir no fair! You said I couldn't join because I was too young even if I brought the food!"

Tony slid down further into the sofa so he was nearly on the floor and said "In the nicest possible ways, kid, you're not blonde and so they were letting you down easily. Wait, who exactly is in thid blondes only club?"

Peter listed the names "well there's thor, and captain America and hawkeye and recently Black widow and now you! And not me..." he ended sadly. 

* * *

The video came out the day after titled **"vlog pt 2 - reactions to the hair "** turns out Peter had stolen JARVIS s footage of the meeting. Needless to say Tony was getting more gray hairs than blonde and Peter and shuri had holed themselves up in wakanda with Peter using a school trip as an excuse to aunt may. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

"Thor you can't do a cooking show that no one can plausibly do the cooking because all the ingredients are from asgard. Yes it's good that the youth are learning more in their home economics classes but the most they can do is ogle at the size of that leg that you just brought in. Is Níðhöggr even edible? "

"We shall find out Pepper of pots! My mother taught me a good technique for dragon for if I ever got stranded on a quest." 

"And the only animal that would plausibly be near you is a  _dragon?"_ pepper asked incredulously

"yes! That would be the only reason that I would be caught up with anything. A dragon takes a while to slay so Heimdal would give me a week." 

"so what is this technique, Thor?" 

"where can a large fire pit be created?"

"don't tell me-" 

"yes pepper of potts, all I do is season Níðhöggr and then toss his various limbs in the pit!"

"god no wonder he likes fried food so much" Tony snared as he walked into the kitchen "there's like,, the flavour of fire and that's it" 

"thank you for the criticism Tony, I was just about to say that" pepper said pleasantly

"Either way thor, I just dont think it's a good idea to do this so maybe just bring his legs back to asgard OK?"

"Well you drive a hard bargain lady of potts so I will agree." 

* * *

 

Pepper remembered this conversation in her mind - she even got JARVIS to bring up footage of the conversation and have it play next to Thors first video on YouTube named  **"cooking Níðhöggr with thor :)"** she was nursing rum and coke and sighed as she watched the video.

Of course stark had helped with building a fire pit. Why wouldn't he?

"JARVIS?" 

"yes miss potts?" 

"I don't care where he is right now,inform Tony he's grounded and he's staying on floor 91."

"with pleasure miss potts." 

She sipped her rum ad coke and watched again as thor enthusiastically skewered Níðhöggr on an arrow that looks like clients.

Well, at least there wasn't a dull day being the Avengers joint babysitter. 


	3. Chapter 3

" _who the fuck sent my iron man test runs to you've been framed?"_   Tony wailed into the intercom throughout the tower.

"hi, yeah, Clint here. What the fuck is 'you've been framed'?" was heard throughthe intercom

"Clint, I've warned you  _not to climb through the fucking air vents anymore,_ have I not?" 

"yeah but when do I listen? Also what is it?" 

"fair point eagle eyes. Apparently its just a reel of videos sent in of people failing to do stuff. Case in point, me destroying my lab trying to fly. But the thing is, it's British so who the fuck did it?" 

Tonys phone quacked, so he checked it and there was a text from pepper saying 'it better not have been you that sent those videos. The press is having a field day and at the moment that is in your favour... It better stay that way :^) or else' 

" the first person that's British involved with us is JARVIS honestly. Could he have been hacked?" 

"can't believe I'm saying this, but I can't believe I didn't think of that. JARVIS do you know anything about this?" 

"I'm sorry Mr Barton, did you hear anything? It was like there was a breeze in the air, no?" 

Tony stood there in shock for a second when he realised he'd been ghosted by his own butler ai.

"JARVIS, its time to redesign you as a teacup. One I will take pleasure in destroying."

Clint finally dropped out of the vents so they could all have a normal conversation. "I didn't know he could do things that went against you personally?" 

Tony gave him a look as if he was thick and pointed at his hair which was still a faded blonde and said "JARVIS told me nothing.  _Nothing!_ He even laughed at the results, and I didn't even know he could laugh before that!" he whined

"Now sir-" JARVIS started

"don't you now sir me. Were you hacked? What happened?" 

"I played a prank sir." 

Everyone in the room was speechless and the silence was finally broken when Pepper, the lifesaver, walked in, trying to keep her mouth straight. 

"Did you upload those videos of you breaking apart the lab in test suits or was it someone else, Tony?" 

"it was me miss Potts." JARVIS announced smugly

"JARVIS? You didn't think that the rest of the unauthorised Avengers YouTube accounts were giving me enough trouble but you sent these to a TV show? I mean props to you for not sending it to an American show, the fact that it was British slowed down the media somewhat but jesus! I thought you were the mature one! I'm disappointed in you JARVIS."

"would you like some water for that burn JARVIS?" Clint asked smugly

JARVIS didn't reply, seemingly in a huff. 

* * *

 

Later that night Peter had a new video out titled " **mr stark on you've been framed - reactions"** pepper sighed tiredly and watched it in her office, preparing herself for a long night after this.

Peters voice cheerfully called out "welcome back everyone to my video! Gosh that stillsounds stupid to say huh. Well, whatever - welcome back! Today we're going to be doing something a little different, we're going to be doing a reaction video, because my boss, Mr stark, is on television!"... 


	4. Chapter 4

"So. Captain America has an Instagram account, huh." 

"Pepper it's not what you think-" 

"No? You mean you didn't create an Instagram account just so you can post pictures of 1.your ass, 2.your boyfriend and 3.your dog?" she looked expectantly at Steve and he nervously looked away blushing bright red. 

"well,, that among other things..." he trailed off

She made an unimpressed noise as she turned on her phone and scrolled through his Instagram again 

"I mean granted, it is a  _great_ ass, but please I'm begging you consult me first. I'm trying to help you all get good media coverage so that you'll get less hate."

"Can do ma'am" 

In the elevator on the way back to the communal floor JARVIS said to Steve "Mr stark told me to tell you that he knows you live a woman in charge, but miss Potts is his." 

"wow, thanks Tony" he said rolling his eyes. "It's not like I don't have a boyfriend or anything" 

"Mr stark also told me to tell you he made ten new Instagram accounts to follow your new profile and he says he rates your ass 9/10"

"Only 9? What did I fall down on in the ass category?"

"he said he was jealous but not to tell you." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter than usual but it was fun to write whilst my bus was broken down


	5. Chapter 5

"OK so today we'll be showing you how to do stop drop roll properly without hurting yourself more than you need. This manoeuvre is used if a large part of your clothes are on fire and there's no other way to put it out than this."

A diagram showing the basic steps showed up on the screen as Scott continued on. 

" done right this can save your life, done wrong, you might end up with a broken shoulder + burns. Either way it would be even better to not be in this situation at all, but it's good to be ready for whatever life throws at you." 

"and life can throw lots at you, like that day Jonathan threw a ball at my head so I got him taken away for the rest of the week!" 

"wha- cassie when was this?" 

"it was last month! Mommy told me not to tell you!" she smiled brightly. 

"did she huh? Well.. We'll have a talk about that later. OK so! Most people would see fire on their clothes and panic straight away and will probably go into a blind panic and flail around, or freeze up at the sight of the flame and both of those options aren't good, so when you first see the fire stop what you are doing, drop to the ground - be careful of your face-"

" you only have one! "

" yup sweetie you're absolutely right, and then you roll back and forth on the ground with your legs out straight covering your face with your han-"

Peter stopped the video and looked at Scott with sparkles in his eyes" this is you right Mr ant sir? "

".. Yeah kid, why? "he answered hesitantly. 

" oh my gosh you're such a legend sir! You helped me out so much when I first started out doing my hero work! Your videos saved my life so many times!"

" you're worrying me because you look so happy even though you're straight up admitting to having been in lots of near death experiences."

"mhm!" Peter beamed

"jesus christ kid, no wonder starks already gray and old"

"oh!" Peter exclaimed "since you are an avenger now, can we all meet cassie? I really want me and shuri to meet her, she looks so.. So-" 

"adorable?"

"Badass" Peter smiled innocently at Scott widening his eyes and whispering " _pleeeeeeeeeease?"_

 _"_ hmm... Nope. Cassie would learn better puppy dog eyes and yours are like,, puss in boots from shrek edition. If she learnt that she would be indestructible." 

* * *

"okay she can come next week, just don't give her too many jellybe-"

The elevator dinged and Pepper strode out calmly, cleared her throat and said "Peter, you're banned from the Internet, Scott we would love for you to have tea with us, I just made beef stew and Peter there's some bagged up for you and May" 

"aaaaaawww, but Pepper it was only two videos on Tony, I said I wouldn't post anymore!" 

"kid, ya know I think that promise was horse shit" Tony's voice came from the comms. 

"I'm still going to see cassie." 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Natasha Romanoff, spy extraordinaire, top assassin behind Bucky based on kill count and all round Scary Person dressed like a new York fashion model strode calmly into Pepper's office on floor 69 (a personal joke from Tony that secretly made Natasha chuckle to herself when she first heard it) and looked at the woman herself sitting at her large wooden desk looking expectantly at her.

"I want to do a joke channel where me and Bucky rate the deaths of former people of interest, in which I will not state it is in fact a joke channel"

"Are you trying to make my job hell, tasha?" Pepper asked bemusedly.

"not particularly, but I just think it will be funny. Don't you?" Natasha looked into Pepper's eyes and already saw acceptance and the coming fear of more paperwork.

"Not particularly, but you're the only one I really can't do anything to stop so go ahead and let the horrified press roll in." 

* * *

"So this is something new to both of us and I hope none of you send us death threats because of this because in that case we would be forced to turn to..."

"Frowned upon methods of disposal" Bucky finished, waggling his eyebrows suggestively at the audience. A comment bubble sprung up at the bottom of the screen just saying ' **subtle** '

"So! In this new series on the Avengers communal channel, Bucky and I will be rating famous deaths and assassinations of people of power throughout the ages and these have all been picked out for us by Bruce so there is no bias"

"Yeah like, y'know, choosing our fave deaths, or only our own killshots. Now we have no fucking clue what's in this bag" Bucky said shaking his small black bag with cartoonish splats of blood painted on.

"Ok, tasha, you pick it first." 

there was an intense zoom on Natasha's hand as it entered the bag and the moment was drawn out until she dragged it out and cheerfully yelled out

"JF Kennedy, solid start. OK he was the 35th President of the US and was shot in the head on November 22, 1963." 

"Oh yeah I think it was like, 12:30pm, right? Yeah I think that one was actually me.." the screen zoomed in on Natasha's eyes quickly glance at him then slide back to the screen.

"Really? Well in that case I rate that a solid 8/10." she said, lips twitching into a small smile

"Only 8? I am feeling disrespected, I am disowning you and you aren't getting any pizza tonight. Irate myself 10/10 to say I was basically brain dead at that moment and I still got a clean shot and no one tracked me down." he said with an overly dramatic disdainful look at Natasha sitting barely two paces from him.

"Ok I'll raise it to 9/10, because it was honestly a bit too showy for hydra. I thought you would have gone the poison route though, right?"

"I see where you're coming from, his medical list is quite impressive for a man of his age though not gonna lie, hydra could have gotten me to increase his dose of corticosteroids to overwhelm him and make him more susceptible to taking something willingly for something as simple as a headache and I could have laced the aspirin or Ibuprofen with cyanide or something else.. or something"

there was laughing heard from behind the camera

"That seems,, a bit too detailed there buddy, the audience might be getting worried. Well Steve, if you're watching this then don't accept Ibuprofen from your boyfriend!" she finished off cheerfully

"I feel like the next video will be about Trump"

"You can't choose who it's about Buck."

"Hm too bad then,"

Bruce's voice came from behind the camera "Also the more worrying implications to that throw away sentence, Trump isn't dead from skin cancer from tanning yet"

 

There was one last dramatic zoom to Bucky's face with a circular Looney toons frame around his face and the video ended with Bucky saying

"Not yet he isn't"

 

* * *

"God you really had to upstage me there huh" Natasha laughed elbowing Bucky as they walked back from getting a coffee catch up as they watched the video on the way back to the Avengers Tower.

"What can I say, I'm a naturally born starlet of the screen. Being in a room with a pretty and intimidating woman such as yourself won't change my thirst for fame and stardom"

They both laughed good naturedly as they walked through the reception area

"Miss Potts wants to have a word with you two. You're not in trouble but.. well you might be." the crisp British voice of JARVIS rang out in the elevator.

"Well that didn't take long did it?"

* * *

"President Trump has tweeted to say he feels very threatened by 'The Winter Soldier Guy' and that he wants a formal apology"

"Well you know we all love you Pepps, but absolutely not"

Pepper sighed tiredly

"It was worth a shot. Honestly, you should be happy I love you the most after Peter because I let a lot slide with you two"

"We'll make up for it in the next video" Natasha spoke for the first time since exiting the elevator, still blowing on her obnoxiously sugary coffee "I think you'll like it" she added nonchalantly.

"You're carrying on this shitshow?"

"Duh. Absolutely."

"God I think I need some of your special Ibuprofen Buck."

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a bit of fun but I hope y'all enjoy. Leave kudos and comments if yall want more of these shenanigans


End file.
